You give up a lot when you have a child. I’m not really referring to the trivial things, like sleep, or dates with your spouse, or watching a television show without interruption. The most profound thing you give up is your Self (yes, with a capital “S”), especially for a nursing mother. The word ‘parasite’ sounds harsh, but let’s face it, comparing a newborn to a parasite is an accurate description. A newborn depends on its host for survival, and by survival, I mean everything from food to shelter.
I have a friend, or I should say, I know a couple who once told me that they could never have children because they are too selfish. I think this is very sad, but very accurate in that you shouldn’t have kids unless you wish to totally set aside your Self. True, there are levels to this “setting aside.” Initially, it is near total, and again, I’m not talking about setting aside things, or events, but an entire surrender of individual priorities for the priorities of the child, or to sum it up in a word, near total ‘unselfishness.’
These things you give up, of course, are worth it, and are confirmed by the first smile, the first laugh, the first I love you daddy. To watch someone grow, to learn and accomplish, to be not just a part of but responsible for a life, it’s all worth it.
Great post, Brian. I'm in week 3 of Henry's life, but I already feel you. The thing is, I didn't know how much I loved being a father until he arrived. Whatever I've given up feels weightless compared to what I feel for Henry. I have to say, though, it's much easier for the dad.
ReplyDeleteI have loved watching you grow,learn and accomplish Brian.You and Shawn now have the joy of doing the same with your girls!
ReplyDeleteMom :-)
So true. After a while, I think, you establish a new self. One that just so happens to be an extension of another person's (or people's) life as well as your own. Totally worth it.
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